


Up To Bat

by costumejail



Category: Danger Days: The True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys - My Chemical Romance (Album), The True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys: California (Comics)
Genre: Commentary, Dialogue-Only, Fluff, Gen, Nonbinary Character, One Shot, Post-Canon, Radio, Sports, dont ask me about the rules of dracball i dont know them yet, like. most of them are nonbinary, xe/xyr for vaya
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-30
Updated: 2020-12-30
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:20:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28439028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/costumejail/pseuds/costumejail
Summary: Coming to you live from the Zone Two-and-a-half championship match for the probably-2035 Dracball season.
Comments: 10
Kudos: 11





	Up To Bat

**Author's Note:**

  * For [HeartlessFuck](https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeartlessFuck/gifts).



“Well, hello, hello, hello, listeners! We are coming to you live from the Zone Two-and-a-half championship match for the probably-2035 Dracball season. I’m your host, umperee, and favourite killjoy-turned-radio-personality, Vaya! If you’re just tuning in for the first time today, that sucks for you, because I don’t have time to recap the last 6 periods. Up to the mat now is Calamity Jane. Faithful listeners will know Jane for his appalling performance in last year’s Glitchtag derby, where she fumbled a key pass from Fish’n’Chips, dropping the waffle into the stadiumside sinkhole and postponing the event for half a moon until we could bring in Dream Boy and aer team of cave divers.”

“Fuck you, Vaya!”

“Fuck you, too, Cal! Don’t you have a game to play?”

“...”

“Alright, listeners, the tosser for this period is Havana Grenades. Xyr known for xyr explosive throwing style and tendency to misplace the game ball, but it looks like xe’s got the real thing right now. Xe’s winding up to throw, releasing… And they’re off! A stellar hit from Calamity Jane! She goes left, he goes right, she’s going straight down the middle! An interesting maneuver, what with Havana being smack dab between Jane and the third base pit, but if he can get around xem it’ll be an extra two points to team Hubbard! Oooh! Yeah, that’s a foul. Havana! You can’t go for the knees like that. Biting isn’t allowed unless it’s the last period!”

“My bad, Vaya!”

“Apology accepted… Still a two minute-minor and you have to slam a can of Jump Juice before you can get back on the mound.”

“Fuck!”

“Should’ve thought of that earlier. While Havana drags xyr sorry ass off the field, it looks like Calamity Jane has tackled Dared Evil and they are… Is that wrestling or something far less family-friendly? Vi, can you go check on that? Oh! No, nevermind! They are wrestling, false alarm, folks. Interesting strategy, but it looks like the game ball has actually gone _into_ the third base pit and this is Ca’s way of distracting Dared until the rest of team Hubbard makes it back to the mat. Here they come, now! One! Two! Three! Team Hubbard makes it back to the mat, save for Calamity Jane. Will she make it?”

“...”

“No! It turns out, as Dared Evil has flipped both of them into the pit which is a solid _out!_ Gameplay is on hold while team Altoid regroups and frees Dared Evil from the pit. Next up at the mat for team Hubbard is… Oh, shit, Vi, that’s you.”

“...”

“For everyone listening in that can’t hear what our dear Vinyl has just written out, he told me to pay better attention next toss as I evidently missed three penalties from team Hubbard and four from team Altoid. Well… I didn’t see them, and as the umperee, my word is final! Anyway, Vinyl steps up to the mat, he readies his bat… and now we wait for Havana Grenades to finish xyr penalty before xe can continue tossing for this period.”

“Why is that a rule, again?”

“Shut up, Vamos. While we wait, here’s little Susie Scye, who just learned how to read! Susie, what do you have for us today?”

“You wan’ed me to read the _concert shedule—”_

“Schedule.”

“ _Schedule_ for the Fuck You House!”

“That’s right! Take it away Susie!”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Thanks to Teeth, Jace, and Bat for helping me with kj names and to Joy for requesting this! Comments/kudos/stalking my [tumblr](sleevesareforlosers.tumblr.com) appreciated!


End file.
